Raquel asked me a question the other day. She asked "How do you feel about facial hair?"
Now, being the only male in this joint and one of the few people the doctors let communicate with Raquel during a full moon, it seemed like this topic could best be summed up in writing, because it is COMPLICATED.
Now to start with, facial hair to a man is personal. We don't have cleavage or bras that lift and separate. We don't have a huge variety of clothing options that the ladies out there have. We do, however have an uncanny ability to grow hair on our faces, which can make us look all kinds of manly and impulsive (extra internets if you know where that phrase comes from) or it can make you look like a skeezy douchebag. The ability to grow facial hair is also psychologically connected to our general "manliness". It's primal and instinctive. While it may not be an accurate gauge, we connect our ability to grow facial hair with virility, strength and a generally animalistic nature often times found attractive to females of our species. Nobody wants a whimpering gerbil in bed. You would much rather have a vicious lion, roaring as it pounces and overpowers it's prey. Whimpering is for divorce hearings. If he can't make your neighbors think you are killing a pack of hookers when you are boning, then he isn't growing much facial hair.
[Manly and Impulsive]
[Skeezy Douchbag]Facial hair can make you look like a classic European gentleman, like with a job and everything, or like a homeless hippie.
[If I looked like this guy, I would be severely dehydrated right now]
[Do I need to say anything?]It can make you look trustworthy, or well......
[Not only would you let this guys into your house at night, you'd take your kids to sit on his lap in public]
[It's a toss-up between him and the hippie for me]
So, as you can clearly see there is a lot of choice in the facial hair arena and it can say a lot about the man that wears it. My personal stance is this.
If you would be embarrassed of a picture of you surfacing 20 years from now with it, then you shouldn't do it. You can always claim that the clothes were what was in style and it's the only real options you had, but the facial hair is much more personal. Think about it, you take off your clothes every night and put on new ones every morning, but that facial hair is gonna be there a long time. It's even more personal to us than a hairstyle. So you should take a little time in figuring it out.
Some notable examples:
[I'm regretting this right now FOR you]
[The definition of manly with a 'stache]
[Can you say CREEPY?]
[Dude has been rocking that awesome lip ferret for decades now]
[Not his best work]
[Some things are just timeless]
[Just, no]
[The Bolsheviks were just jealous of this awesome facial hair]
[Shouldn't be allowed in the same county as children]
[Who wouldn't follow this into a revolution?]
[Has this guy been looked into in the JonBenét Ramsey case? I'm just saying...]
[One of the most brilliant mustaches of all time]
[Not only would you let this guys into your house at night, you'd take your kids to sit on his lap in public]
[It's a toss-up between him and the hippie for me]So, as you can clearly see there is a lot of choice in the facial hair arena and it can say a lot about the man that wears it. My personal stance is this.
If you would be embarrassed of a picture of you surfacing 20 years from now with it, then you shouldn't do it. You can always claim that the clothes were what was in style and it's the only real options you had, but the facial hair is much more personal. Think about it, you take off your clothes every night and put on new ones every morning, but that facial hair is gonna be there a long time. It's even more personal to us than a hairstyle. So you should take a little time in figuring it out.
Some notable examples:
[I'm regretting this right now FOR you]
[The definition of manly with a 'stache]
[Can you say CREEPY?]
[Dude has been rocking that awesome lip ferret for decades now]
[Not his best work]
[Some things are just timeless]
[Just, no]
[The Bolsheviks were just jealous of this awesome facial hair]
[Shouldn't be allowed in the same county as children]
[Who wouldn't follow this into a revolution?]
[Has this guy been looked into in the JonBenét Ramsey case? I'm just saying...]
[One of the most brilliant mustaches of all time]So as you can see, facial hair is not as simple of a topic as you might think. Next time you see a man rocking a killer 'stache, give him a thumbs up, and be sure never to share your bed, your friendship, or your oxygen with a guy that looks like this:
Until Next time, stay classy San Diego:
