Monday, November 22, 2010

Stories from the Other Side, from Taylor

I don’t understand the strategies men use in the realm of flirting.  On several occasions, I will be driving my car and get a stalker. A man who thinks it is flattering to drive right next to me at the same speed, for miles, as he  stares on creepily.  Oh course, this always happens when I need to get over into their lane and my new friend is busy planning on skinning me alive and keeping me within his line of vision-and I can’t switch lanes, therefore missing my exit. Rather than give him my phone number and have his devil-children,  I want  to KILL him!

creepy flirty stalker dude gets into car crash

But, seriously, what is he hoping for in this situation?  That I will to stop my car in the middle of the freeway, wrench off my shirt and scream to the world: "Hey Creepy Stalker, your unsafe driving skills convinced me: TAKE ME riiiiight now!!!!"

these two were on the 405 now they are on the 4-OH-5 

Same goes for guys who whistle, cat-call, or drunkenly hang-over balconies waving their arms freakishly trying to get a girls attention.  Does this work? I have yet to hear a couple say that they met when: "He obnoxiously, sexually harassed me when I was walking down the street," *insert sigh and a look into the lovers eyes*, "and I just knew it was loooove.” 

He was so cute! He was yelling at me from the top of the Hard Rock Hotel, while I was swasted poolside. He came down, totally plastered and offered to buy me a drink. I said No! and went to my room. Then he kept on knocking on my hotel room door. I changed hotels and he found me at the Bellagio. It was sooo romantic. It was true love!
My personal favorite just happened again the other day while I was at work.  I walked by this vendor, who said “You know you could smile.” Listen up, buddy, if I am at work I am not a happy-go-lucky person to begin with. Not to mention the fact that I have 300 hundred things on my mind, and smiling at you is not one of them.  Yes, I know there are several things I can do with my mouth, one of them is smiling, but at the moment I would really rather use it to tell you to: FUCK OFF.    

I know it’s harsh, but come on, guys, all of these scenarios are obnoxious,  predictable, and kind of creepy.   

Stop it already!

~Taylor
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8 comments:

  1. MargotNovember 22, 2010 at 10:20 AM

    *sigh* how I love thee Taylor

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  2. RaquelNovember 22, 2010 at 11:37 AM

    I love Taylor too. We are 'officially' welcoming her as a Slinky Like Stealth writer this week! Check back for more soon.

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  3. TaylorNovember 22, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    Yay for me :)

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  4. MargotNovember 22, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    Yay!! I like her posts :)

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  5. Bill D.November 23, 2010 at 10:26 AM

    But you seem to make the assumption that the guy wants to go out with you or that he is even remotely interested in being in love with you. We know it doesn't work that way, but some girls will show you their tits if you pay attention to them. Maybe it's only one in 100, but you have to give it a try.

    I used to know this guy and his grandfathers advice on getting a girl to F you is simple. Go up to a girl and say "Hi, my name is .... do you want to Fuck?" probably 99 out of 100 will slap you, but the one that doesn't is totally worth it.

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  6. MargotNovember 23, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    Bill, I actually used that line before, I went up to a guy and said "Hey do you want to fuck?" Worked like a charm. To bad the sex was really bad :(

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  7. Bill D.November 23, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    But it worked. Bad sex is better than no sex, unless there is some form of penicillin needed later.

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  8. TaylorNovember 23, 2010 at 11:47 PM

    Actually I never said they were in love, just that I don't know anyone who was in love that met that way... I am pretty sure love is not on these boys minds...

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