"Enyfing on da Floor is Leagly Mine, So Goway"

Why the fuck does this website exist? And it has a books out too? You can go to Amazon and buy a book with super cute pictures of animals with horrible spelling. Shit, Maybe the 3-year old down the street should try to get a book deal. I am sure she can spell better then this piece of crap website.


http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Have you seen what is on this website?? Super cute pictures of animals. I don't have a problem with cute pictures of animals, the problem I have is the complete lack of use of proper English.

enyfing on da floor is leagly mine, so goway TRANSLATET please!

I don't even know what this says:

Ebberybudy, brake owt ur partay hatz and finger nomz ‘cuz we gonna has one wyld party! Iz Nashunal Cat Day!!! Wat will u b doin to celebrayt ur kittehs? A lil extra nomz? A lil extra catnipz? Mebbe a lil extra of both?! We wish all ob u and all ur kitteh friends teh bestest Nashunal Cat Day ebber!

So what the FUCK!!!! Don't get me wrong I have no problems with other languages, but this is supposed to be English.

yoor barz cant cuntayn meh!!


Does anyone see the problem with the above sentence???
can't "cunt"ayn me. HAHAHHAHAHA

I love the English language and I understand if English is your second language, there is going to be more difficulties, but I can't understand fucking it up so bad on purpose. *sigh*

Margot

"This Dancefloor is the PITS" From Our Guest Writer, MAX

Sorry ladies, sometimes your Lady Speed Stick just doesn't cut it.

If you stick this lady up your ass, your farts still smell

 
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your PH balanced Secret isn't strong enough for a man, and despite what the commercial tells ya, it ain't strong enough for your stank-ass either!

Let me tell you a Secret: Your pits STANK

Yes, we, the other humans of Planet Earth can smell YOU and, you stink like shit. I'm the representative speaking on behalf of the rest of the people on the dance floor and I come in peace.

Oh, I know, sweetheart, believe me...maybe you forgot your deodorant or it wore off and I'm sure you smell good 90% of the time and that's wonderful. Maybe your allergies are acting up and you can't smell yourself. It doesn't change the fact that nobody, not even that greasy, broken-English speaking date rapist who hit on you on the way to the bathroom line wants to smell you on the dance floor. 

All I have to say is DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

For the love of god, invest $4 for some Right Guard. You can hide it in your safe or under your mattress and break it out on special occasions. They make a clear sport gel that's fucking fantastic. It keeps even the gnarliest of dudes smelling good through a hard workout and I promise it will keep you smelling good through a long night of dancing. There's nothing that kills your vibe faster when you're grooving with your honey than smelling someone else's B.O.

No Gel is STRONGER, this gives your pits XTREME ENERGY

And while we're on the topic of dancing, please, please, please don't bump into other people repeatedly. There should be an unspoken law - if there's plenty of room but you still bump into someone else more than twice you should punch yourself in the face repeatedly until you're unconscious. And don't step on other people's feet. Have the self-control to STOP dancing. Seriously. If you're that wasted and/or you just dance like total shit, it's okay. Jesus still loves you but please realize right now that you ARE "THAT GIRL" or "THAT GUY" and get a grip. It's not an insult but it is reality. The issue isn't your dance skills or lack thereof, it's your total lack of self-awareness. I'm one of few straight men who can rock white shoes like a motherfucker and thanks to you my insanely awesome white leather shoes now have an irreparable black dent in them courtesty of your stilletos from when you stepped on me. The worst part is we weren't even dancing together.

-MAX-

Fuck you Roger Ebert! The Lovely Bones is Awesome

Have you seen this movie, if you have not, then you should. Why do I love this movie.....Stanley fucking Tucci. That man is amazing!!!!! Add Susan Saradon, Mark Walburg, Rachel Weitz, the 70's, Peter Jackson as the director, and an amazing cast.

Stanley Tucci went from playing a pedophile serial killer to playing Julia Childs loving husband in Julie and Julia. That's fucking talent right there. In interviews he said it was one of the most difficult roles he had to play, and the scene where he attacks Susie was the last scene to be shot.

Creepy Mc Creepster

The book says that she was raped and murdered, they don't show that in a movie, but you get the idea. I think that it didn't do as well as it should of because of those stupid fucking critics who said that the feelings weren't believable and she makes her heaven into a place where she wants to spend the rest of her life.....

"The Lovely Bones" is a deplorable film with this message: If you're a 14-year-old girl who has been brutally raped and murdered by a serial killer, you have a lot to look forward to.

In its version of the events, the serial killer can almost be seen as a hero for liberating these girls from the tiresome ordeal of growing up. (Sorry, but what????)

Susie gazes down as her mother (Rachel Weisz) grieves and her father (Mark Wahlberg) tries to solve the case himself. There's not much of a case to solve; we know who the killer is almost from the get-go. (Um yeah, duh, we know who the killer is in the book from the beginning too, fuck man)

This whole film is Jackson's fault.

by Roger Ebert

Ebert's thumbs down made Roeper bone out

So, FUCK YOU Roger Ebert. 

All of a sudden we need to see fucking a rape and a murder of a 14-year girl??? No, I don't fucking think so!

And why can't she make her heaven what ever she wants, she was raped and murdered for fuck sake!!!. We are not watching a fucking Saw movie. And yes, in case you couldn't tell, I feel strongly about this.



This movie, on the other hand, has a whimsical feel about. Stanley Tucci, of course, would give you the fucking creeps, but what Peter Jackson does (and he is good at) is he makes your imagination run wild.

Pedophiles all shop at the same store: Creepy Men

Thank you Peter Jackson for not subjecting us to unnecessary violence. I can't pretend to be naive, I am not, I just don't need to see it in a movie. This shit happens way to much in real life.



But I really think that 'The Lord of the Ring" trilogy is not Peter Jackson's best work. I suggest that you watch " Heavenly Creatures" His first film containing a brand new Kate Winslet (Titanic). Based on a true story, an amazing film. But that is just me.

So the run down is, is that a girl is raped and murdered, watches over her family as they grieve and creates a heaven that only a 14-year old girl in 1973 would dream of. Is this real????

No, its based on a fucking book, get over it, you assholes.


Margot

PS. This movie DOES make you wonder who really lives next door.

"I'd bag Lindsay Lohan" From our Guest Writer, Max

I'd welcome her with open arms when she crawled in through the window after a wild night of clubbing and pappararazi dodging and crotch flashing. 

I think she took one hit too many

I'd tap that

I would offer her a pair of replacement underwear for posterity's sake, thank her for her contributions and her inspiration of today's youth. Then I'd ask her why she's only wearing one shoe.

Yes, with shame and humiliation I admit I'd still bag Lindsay Lohan without so much as a momentary hesitation.

Why, you ask? 

Because I might catch her on a good day. And it would be a good story. That and everyone knows celebrities get the best drugs and as jacked up as she must be it's not impossible for her to forget what day it is and spend all her time getting intoxicated off my cock sauce. Plus who knows, she may still have some money left. If I'm lucky she'll take me shopping and buy me a Ferrari as her way of thanking me for a night she probably already forgot due to her drunken blackout...just after she wakes up from her nap.

-MAX-

Smooth. REAL smooth.

The weather is changing. The air is getting colder, the leaves are changing colour, blah blah blah. This time of year, I wanna spend my weekends popping bottles and dancing to keep from getting frost bite (one probably can't get frost bitten in LA but I'm not taking that chance).

This past week I had plans to have drinks and watch movies with a guy we'll call.... *Smooth. Thankfully he's quite the opposite of Mr. Clingy.... even his name is an oxymoron of sorts, as you'll see.

So yeah, we had plans.... up until he had to flake with an hours notice. There's literally no excuse to cancel last second unless of course, you are me and in that case you can get away with murder, all with a wink and a smile ;)

Typically I mind when these things happen but I leave my game face on for good measure. That is until I see his status update on Facebook: "What's going on tonight?!"

Seriously?! Like, are you kidding me. SMOOTH. And the cherry on top? The text I get from him during booty call hour:



Sorry Smooth, but it's much too late for your pathetic efforts, I'm already happily posted in the arms of a hottie with a rock hard body. Not that I'm the type to jump from guy to guy, but I think Santana from Glee said it best in the episode titled Duets: "I'm like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me or I can't digest my food."

I'm a closet Gleek

And let's be real, I'm just a girl trying to get my mac on! I just hate liars, although the change of plans did segway into a fun night at a Halloween party and yes, into the arms of a hottie with a rock hard body. Yummm, more on that subject in a later post ;)

Happy Halloween Children

~Amelie


*Let me introduce you to an asterisk. It means someones name has been changed genius!