"Just Say NO!!!!" From MAX

We've all experienced it. It's that unpleasant moment when you see an annoying salesperson coming.

between you and me...

Immediately, the reel begins "Oh great, now this asshole is going to try to sell me something I don't need!" It's always something you have no use for...like a new age hair pick or bad cellular service or a timeshare in Haiti or a scrotum piercing.

Well, Slinksters, this very thing happened to me yesterday while walking through the mall with my fiancee. Let's call her Loupes, it's short for cantaloupes. Use your imagination and you smarties can figure out why.

Anyway, Loupes and I walking along happily, department store bags in hand, basking in the glow of our love. Or maybe the glow was from the 8 beer sampler we'd just had at lunch. In any case we're just walking along at a brisk pace and I see this guy step out from behind his kiosk like a pop up target from one of those shooting gallery arcade games.

I seeeeee my next victim!

My brain couldn't process what was happening and reprogram fast enough. It all happened so fast and he wasn't passive like most of his compatriots. He was far more assertive and eager to sell us whatever useless crap he had.

I smiled at him awkwardly as you do when someone accidentally enters your line of sight and you're trying not to be rude. Then just as we're passing by this young R.M.K.W.G. (random mall kiosk working guy) looks directly at Loupes and says hi and asks her "Can I ask you a question?"

The fucker was sneaky and he thought he was being clever but he was no match for Loupes. She ate him for breakfast.

All he said was "Can I ask you a question?"

She looked at him, smiled and without altering her stride by even a step uttered just one word - "No"

Ummm. NO, man, don't talk to me

He had this stunned look on his face and we both instantly started to laugh about how funny it was.

A man would just have said: "No thanks"; "I'm in a rush and don't have time, I'm not interested",  "I already have one", or any number of semi-polite responses. Or he would have just ignored this young R.M.K.W.G. (random mall kiosk working guy) all together. Only a woman would answer "NO". Hot women are so well trained and so practiced as a result of being approached by men that they never stutter or misstep. Their response to men is almost instinctive.

Next time a salesperson tries to engage you, remember these 3 words made famous by Nancy Reagan: Just Say No!

she looks this serene is cuz she is all doped up on downers

-MAX-