All of you can SUCK IT!

It's been a week. And I am fed up! All of you can suck it:


-MY SINUSES
I divorce you! I divorce you! I divorce you! I divorce you! Your primary function is to allow me to BREATHE. If you don't let me breathe, why should I let you tag-a-long for the a free ride? For the past 8 days you wake me up feeling like a squirrel landed on my face and dug its claws into my head. On a good day, you make me feel like my brain is trying to escape my skull. Either way, you aren't doing your job! Sinuses, you can suck it!

I divorce you! I divorce you! I divorce you!

-DAYQUIL
How the FUCK are you legal? When I take you, my brain stops working and the rest of my body feels like it's all floaty. When nighttime rolls around I can't sleep. I should start selling this on the corners-I could use the extra cash. Dayquil, you are the new crack. You make me feel worse albeit barely functional and give me weird shakes. Dayquil, you can suuuuuuck it! And your evil twin, Nyquil, is even worse! What's with the weird hallucinations? Both of you can suuuuuck it!!!!

CRACK you are CRACK!!!!! 

-Starcrack Barista
Gulp! I ran out of espresso at my 'big girl job. Being the caffeine junkie that I am, I had to find the nearest caffeine dealer and shamefully walked into the corner Starcracks.  I neeeeeeeeed my fix *insert neck scratching*. Starcrack Barista-you can't pull a decent shot of espresso and I REFUSE to call your "Small" cup "Tall": don't tell me about trip to Napa Valley. I DON'T CARE! Give me my fix! You can't pull a decent shot of espresso or steam milk even if your life depended on it! Shut the hell up and do your job!


-The word 'EPIC' and any users of the word


The word 'EPIC' has been thrown around quite loosely as of late. Every Friday night is now referred to as "epic". Do not use the word 'epic' unless Friday night was a truly a heroes journey worth of a literary recognition. I KNOW your Friday night consisted of drinking Bud Light and endless banter about all the chicks you didn't bang but pretended you did. Your night wasn't "epic" and nor are you! If you use the word epic, you can suck it, cuz I know no one is sucking yours anyways.

NOT EPIC!

*Wow* I feel much better!


-Raquel