I love to hate STARBUCKS

One day, when I am old, I will appreciate Starbucks. 

Until then, I can blow my gasket every time I drive past one, see one, hear of one, walk past an empty cup tossed in an office trash can, see a bag of coffee branded STARBUCKS on a grocery shelf, or attempt not to run over teeny-boppers walking with frapuccinos . 

Take down yet another sign, bitches! Close stores # 601 and #602, see if I care!

 Any company says "This is what coffee tastes like when you pour your heart into it" and creates a pseudo-coffee product like VIA can SUCK IT!

Add water, make INSTANT CRAP!!! Starbucks Ready Brew Coffee

Yet, like a crack addict, I find myself driven to Starbucks when my personal supply of caffeine is dwindling. I've stocked my home and office with a selection of gourmet coffees and tea, and have secret stashes of loose leaf tea bags *** JUST IN CASE***. If I am stuck without any other place to source my crack, I will boldly walk into a Starbucks and order an Americano. 

Like any other addict, I have adopted a nonchalant demeanor when ordering my small (not tall WTF when did SMALL get tall???????) Americano with an inch of room. My insides twinge with regret and my pride stoops a bit lower just this once. But like the crackwhore who sleeps with the pimp, I will allow myself to walk into a Starbucks and order my caffeinated drink. 

 

I get my fix. Life goes on.

Hi Overly Perky Wanna Be Coffee Tender: Gimme mah crack or I'll keel you!!!

 

Just yesterday, I walked into a Starbucks where minions pawning coffee with overly perky attitudes (hey! only breasts can be so perky!) were wearing birthday hats to celebrate the 1-year birthday of VIA coffee and I was practically strong-armed to taste the shit. 

Hey VIA, why don't you die of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome like any other chubby 1-year old? 

Starbucks, you ARE the Evil Empire. You have taken away the peoples right to experience good coffee. You have tricked them into believing anything with your topless mermaid logo is coffee. VIA is NOT coffee! 

Repeat after me: instant coffee is NOT coffee. 

Starbucks, I love to hate you!

Raquel