Raquel's Top 5-Things I Despise that you should hate too!

I LOVE lists!!!! I make lists almost daily and thrive on checking off my to-do's. I even compile a list for things that do not serve any purpose at all.


Here is a sampling of my Completely-Useless-MUST-Do-Soon-List:


5. Find out why people anal fist and understand how it works? Understand WHY! 
9. Find Naked Yoga Pictures with REAL yogis-preferably old and wrinkly yogis
13. Own as much lipgloss as I want!

I accomplished item #13 from this list. 

Yet, when I come across a magazine issue that features any of the following:

TOP TEN LIST of (fill in blank)
TWENTY TOP THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU (fill in the blank) 
8 BILLION THINGS TO DO WITH A USED (fill in the blank) 


I cringe and shake my head. 


These lists are USELESS, UNINSPIRED! And they always end in multiple exclamation points, like this: !!!! 


These lists were written by well-paid writers and approved for publication by high-paid editors. It is obvious that these folks ran out of ideas and think that their readers are dumb enough (some are) to get excited about a stupid list. Lists are a cop-out and cheat the creative writing process. Hey, mofos, you get  paid to be CREATIVE. Be CREATIVE!!!! 


Yet, these so called "inspired articles" that take the form of a dumbed-down list are a guaranteed win for glossy, splashy, popular magazines. 


Today, tired, cranky and irritable from reoccurring insomnia, I take a cue from the bigger publications and take a crack at making a list. Drumroll, please!!!!!


5 Things that I Despise...
That You Should Hate TOO!!


#1 Glamour Magazine
It is filled with ads, useless information and TONS of lists. Look at the cover. Lists! Lists! Lists!

589 Spring Looks REALLY? 589? 589?
8 Foods to make you beautiful AND
50 Things you should know about Love

#2 Starbucks
My hatred for Starbucks is so intense that I frequently blog blog, bitch, tweet and facebook about it. Starbucks crossed the yet another line with it's wanna-be Spanish campaign.

Suaviza el Comienzo?
Doesn't make sense! Sounds like a bad tagline for Anal Ease

Anyone who knows a teensy bit of Spanish knows that this tag line doesn't make any sense. Starbucks, now that you closed 600+ stores and you sell fake coffee, aka, that VIA crap,  please hire an Ad agency that KNOWS how to market to a Spanish-speaking audience! Fire  100 of your inept, so-called-baristas to fund your Spanish campaign! POR FAVOR


#3 Women's Work-Out Pants Crotch
The crotch area is a sensitive subject. If you are a woman wearing work-out pants and using them for their intended purpose, 8 out of 10 times, you may find yourself in 1 of 3 precarious situations.


Camel Toe Crotch

If it happened to a Willias, it can happen to YOU!

Big Ass Bulge Crotch

Taschen: I applaud your work. But my crotch better not look like that!!!

Ken Doll Crotch

At least Barbie has some curves 'down there'

I blame women's work-out attire designers. Other designers successfully created lady-like crotches on jeans, leggings, shorts, slacks and other forms of pant wear. Please share this knowledge with your retarded work-out attire designer cousins. We won't stand for this anymore!


#4 The Cold
It is useless. There is ZERO purpose for the cold. I stand by my convictions. I hate the cold. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! Unless I can kill a bear and live in its pelt and use its blood to keep me warm, there is no reason for the cold to exist. 

Winter Wonderland? Fuck this shit!!!

#5 Insomnia
Not cool. Not fun. And creates cranky, irritable, angry, unproductive people. Our entire society is plagued with this unhealthy disease. It kills creativity, murders relationships, feeds our caffeine addictions, and marries us to sleeping pills. I do not need to say anymore on the insomnia subject! I am already cranky!

See? Lists are creative writing gone retarded. Do not support publications that feature list after list after list followed by uninspired content. Support you favorite blogger who has an occasional bout of insomnia.


-Raquel


Photo credits: Glamour Cover, Glamour Magazine; Starbucks poster, bloggers own; Williams Camel toe, could not find photographers name; Taschen Book, Taschen; Ken Doll Bulge;  http://www.zug.com/pranks/barbie/index02.html; Winter Wonderland, unknown; Insomnia Walrus, unknown