I officially nominate myself as Grinch of 2010-without the wrinkles, grimace and hideous skin. Rather than spread joyous cheer, I have taken it upon myself to peeve about everything I don't like about the holidays.
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me! me! me! |
What it boils down to is that the holidays are essentially a way for someone else to impose THEIR traditions on me...and I hate it when someone tells ME what to do! (insert stomping of foot)
Take Thanksgiving. No matter where I go, there is turkey. I am by no means a non-meat eater. A few years ago, I declared war on poultry-it's boring!
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i like it up the butt |
Any and all foods that are nondescript are always described as 'chicken'. And turkey tastes, well, like chicken. Celebrating Thanksgiving guarantees that I will be subjected to poultry. No one, except a small number of self-respecting vegans ever challenge the turkey tradition.
Christmas, of course, is THE holiday that really gets my beard. I am deathly afraid of Santa Claus. Any other fat man who grabs little children to sit them on his knee and listen to their sweet little secrets, while holding said child close to his groin, would immediately be listed on Megan's Law.
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look, it's Santa!!! |
Yet, very few parents ever challenge Santa Claus! I once was a sweet, little girl who believed the unbelievable. One wintery December in NYC, Santa Claus picked me up from a crowd at Rockefeller Center and whispered in my ear: "What do you want for Christmas, little girl?"
I promptly kicked Santa in his belly and punched him, as I screamed for dear life.
Since than, my respect for anything related to the holidays has gone down the drain. So as the 'Grinch of 2010', don't tell me to be happy it's the holidays. And if you do, I will take my cue from Willow Smith and whip my hair back and forth! You haters!!!!
-Raquel
As featured in Project Peeve
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