War and Peace: WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS WRITTEN????
I had the honor, privilege and the horrific opportunity to read War and Peace. Of course, most people think I did it because of some college class assignment. Nope, I decided to read the damn thing because I had ran out of things to read. War and Peace was sitting on my parents book shelf, I hated my job and my boy-friend was running around sticking his dick into anything that moved.
Needless to say I needed something to take my mind off my life.
Needless to say I needed something to take my mind off my life.
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| It weighs as much as the country of Papua New Guinea |
So War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy was it. Now like most literature written in the early to mid 19th century, the language is something that a modern person has to decipher first. Once you do that, it becomes like most modern books. I took the time to look up different quotes that Tolstoy used such as "capital!" i.e., wonderful.
Moving on from that, Tolstoy is notorious for his use of a large number of characters. I figured: "What the HELL, I can keep them all straight!!!" Um, no, there was no way in doing that. How Tolstoy himself kept his own characters stories straight is beyond me.
After reading half of it, I still had no idea what it was about. I put it down and vowed to never, ever read War and Peace again.
So one day, I was going through Netflix to add movies to my queue and there it was: War and Peace, with one of my favorite actors, Audrey Hepburn.
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| I'd tell you which character Audrey played, but I can't remember! |
I figured what the hell, the movie would be easier to understand then the book right??? One night when I couldn’t sleep I popped it in, not realizing that it is as looooooooong as all of Lord of the Rings movies .
Long story short, I finished half the movie, and still had no idea what the fuck was going on.
So again, I ask, why FUCK was this book written??????
Simple: Tolstoy wrote it because he was miserable.
He was a count from an old noble Russian line. He married and had 13 children. He was also a big slut!! As he grew older he rejected his title and wealth. And pretty much became crazy!
He was a count from an old noble Russian line. He married and had 13 children. He was also a big slut!! As he grew older he rejected his title and wealth. And pretty much became crazy!
But I suppose, if I looked like this:
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| Look! Each one of the hairs on my beard represent a character's storyline! |
And if I were married to a woman who looked like this:
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| Is my son uglier than my wife? Oops! That's my daughter. |
I would be miserable and crazy too.
So, if you would like to throw yourself off a bridge, but have not had the nerve to do it yet. I have the solution!!!! Pick up War and Peace by Tolstoy, give yourself a week of reading, and jump off.
Till next time,
Margot
Ps. War and Peace is a love story, or at least that is what I read in the brief summary on www.IMDB.com. Could have fooled me.
Audrey Hepburn plays the hot girl that wears lots of tight outfits from that particular time and place. Does it really matter what they called her or what happened in the story? It was her, and a bottle of baby oil for like 17 hours. It was a great film, even though I have no idea what happens. I'm pretty sure it was in Russia, even though everyone had British accents.
ReplyDeleteEven Tolstoy would be happy if he were banging Audrey Hepburn. I wonder if she would be into a 3way with Ava Gardner.....
Bill, I am sure the whole entire movie was filmed on some studio in Los Angeles. In my research, I learned that Tolstoy had many conquests before he was married. In fact he wrote them all down in journals and then we he married gave them to his wife to read all about them.
ReplyDeleteSo, my point is, Tolstoy would totally have a 3way with Ava Gardner and Audrey Hepburn :)
Well, that's one thing we have in common.
ReplyDeleteAmazing how many things one can have in common with proper research.
ReplyDelete