AWKWARD

I walked to my car this a.m. and found this note on my windshield:

      

Dear Neighbor,

I would like to acknowledge the receipt of your note on my windshield this morning. Your need to express yourself in BOLD Arial font on glossy stock is commendable.  Yet your command of the English language and grammar is dubious.

Below, please find my response:

Spot the typo and I will reward ya with a punch in your face

Just in case you don't understand, dear neighbor, her YOU are before receiving my note:

Here you are AFTER receiving my note:

How does you feel now? Feelin' a lil

Neighborperson, I support direct and to the point human interaction that clears the air in order to move forward with relationship.  I firmly that this is the most considerate way for humans to lead their lives.

Now that we have this out of the way...

May I please point out that my car is a compact and parked WITHIN the brightly painted white lines? And for once, I did NOT park the car myself, but my perfectionist significant-other, who has always driven a car large enough to smuggle sufficient OTM's (other than Mexican's) across the border to staff every brothel in Nevada, has NEVER in his life parked in 'an awkward fashion' unless absolutely necessary?

I would also like to point out that out the parking at our apartment complex has plentiful parking for visitors regardless of their choice of transportation, be it a Hummer or a Smart car.

I would like to state that it was your YOUR gigantic S.U.V. parked in an 'awkward (crooked)' manner which directly caused  my aforementioned Significant Other to park our car in a less-than perfect fashion?

However, I would like not to focus on your inability to park between the lines, I'd rather focus on your use of the word "Awkward".

AWKWARD conjures the image of an awkward teenage girl with braces and a large sweatshirt, attempting to hide her bulging breasts with arms crossed over her chest. Or the look of loss on the face of a college student, after the hot girl at the bar shuts down his offer for a drink with a rude snicker. 


Awkward is the feeling you get after your boss tells you your fly was wiiiide open during that 'very important client meeting. Awkward, although a wonderful word, does not conjure images of a badly parked car.

This explains your need to further explain yourself by adding the descriptor "(crooked)".

Please be considerate
to your neighbors and not park in an awkward fashion (crooked) ...
Why chose a word as complex as awkward when you are simply attempting to say: "Neighbor, your crooked parking screwed up my sleep patterns. Thanks to you, I have something else to complain about for the next boring decade of my life."

Well, neighbor, thank you for being considerate and leaving me the kind note.


 I would like you to know from this day on, I will drive around the complex parking and find your S.U.V and boldly park next to it in the most awkward fashion possible within the boldly painted white lines.

Thank you for your understanding.

Your kind and considerate neighbor,

Raquel