How Jesus Saved Me

Jesus! Christ! Thank god!

It was just one of those day. My GPS screwed me. I forgot to charge my blackberry. I left my wallet at the office.

I'm lost somewhere in the fucking desert. And I am running out of gas.

I am rolling through hills on narrow streets that I do not recognize in neutral. Praying. YES! Praying. That I don't run out of gas.

Ok. I wasn't praying. I was screaming FUCK THIS SHIT! at the top of my lungs. And crying. My new mascara all over my face.

Wondering: "How long till someone finds me? "I wonder if it gets cold out here. Shit, I don't even have a sweatshirt to sleep in if I get stuck out here until tomorrow."

And, then, like the apocalypse (is that the correct biblical reference?) a gas station appeared.

I pull in.

Jesus pulls in next to me in his white, beat up Camry.

I am safe at the gas station. THANK YOU LORD!!!!

OH shit! I forgot my wallet.

I scoop up $1.25 in change.

Jesus in the white beat-up Camry sees my mascara streaked face and puffy eyes.

Jesus says "What's up?".  I start babbling only like a woman in utter distress can: "blah. no gas. blah. lost. blah. freaking out. blah." I can't even understand myself.

Jesus says "Don't worry! I got you."

He puts 10 bucks of gas in my car. Jesus.  My lord and savior.

I finally compose myself. Say thank you. Shake his blistered carpenter's hand....because he was a carpenter.

Jesus was on his way home to shave his beard (yes, people, he had a fucking BEARD!!!!!) because it was his birthday (Note: this was 2 weeks ago, NOT Christmas) AND he was on his way to Vegas.

Jesus. I hope you had a badass birthday. Jesus, Thanks For Saving My Ass.

Dear Jesus-Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

Love,

Raquel

PS-I hope you believe in karma Jesus. I got your back next time you or anyone else needs gas.