In Honor of Monday and Micromanagers

I hope that when you get home today, all satisfied that you micro-managed the hell out of your employees, that you run into your mother. And your mother tells you she is a big fan of Twilight but she's all "Team Jacob" and you are clearly "Team Edward".

My mommy hates me cuz I love Edward

Then, during the ensuing argument, she tells you that you are dead to her and she kicks you out of her basement and you end up wandering the streets looking for a place to sleep. You finally find a dry spot of curb out in front of a dark S&M club that seems to be closing for regular activities and opening for the 'after hours' crowd. They let you stay there awhile and as you finally start to doze off you are awakened by three large men grabbing you and forcing you inside. It isn't long before you realize that YOU are to be tonight's entertainment and whatever that is will not be something you are going to enjoy.

Motel 6...any S&M club is better than this!

Your clothes are ripped off and a bucket of dirt, manure and tiny plant pieces is thrown at you. You don't realize it but the mixture also contains a very strong ape pheromone and within seconds a pack of angry, horny silver-backs are charging you. Before you can scream out for help you are getting violently ravaged by 3 gorillas and gently caressed by a fourth. You soon figure out that the 3 will eventually stop but the one will never let you go.

I caress micro-managers.

The crowd starts pelting you with silver nickles and frozen gummy bears and in all of this you see nearby the sight of your grandmother giving Ron Jeremy a very enthusiastic blowjob. Through your tears and sobbing moans, you see a small television playing the evening news where you learn that your childhood hero is being arrested for buying 12-year old Malaysian girls as slaves and forcing them to perform bizarre sex acts on him that they can't seem to explain but involve a used left turn signal from a 1983 Plymouth Caravelle and a box of antacids.

These gummy bears KNOW what you did last summer

When the gorillas are finally done and the gummy bears run out, everyone just uneventfully leaves and you are left there all alone in a pile of blood, gorilla semen and a half eaten blue gummy bear. Your father comes in, casually walks up to you and reminds you that tomorrow you have to take out the trash, then just walks away. Unable to stand, you lie there meekly thinking "at least I have a dry place to sleep for the night" as a storm begins to rage outside. Then the roof starts to leak and the drops falling just near your face splash on you. As you fall unconscious, you remember that you forgot to send in your rebate form on the new computer you bought and today was the last day you qualify, and you can't get that new song by Justin Beiber out of your head.

BEIBER FEVER!!!!

I hope tomorrow isn't much better.